Sunday, March 13, 2011

church...storm

let's start with the storm! it was CRAZY!!! Landon and i got home from church and decided to lay down for nap time. when we laid down it was cloudy with sun. about an hour later im awoken by very loud thunder. I sat up, and then the power went out. I went to the front door to peek out at the weather. as soon as i cracked the woor the wind blew it all the way open. It was hailing in sheets! it was so windy the hail was being blown under my covered porch and in my open door. My signs on the front porch were blown down, and the trees were being whipped in the wind. After the hail stopped it began to pour buckets! There was thunder, lightening, crazy wind, hail and huge rain. It ended up being that about 32,000 people in southwest oregon were without power(some still dont have it) my power finally came back on about 9:10. Landon is happy that the power is back on because he didn't like not having his nightlight on. Tree's were blown down all over the place, and driving back from medford madi and i saw several crews out working on the power lines.

This morning Landon and i went to church with trudy, rach and logan. It was nice to go for once instead of listening online. The sermon was on forgiveness, something i know i need to work on. isnt it funny how god does that?
one song we sang really got to me today. "The enemy has been defeated, death couldn't hold you down" It stuck with me because i need to remember that the enemy HAS BEEN defeated, and i need to hold fast to that and not let him defeat me. One day at a time is all i can do, but it's nice to find things to encourage us on our walk! Now, im exhausted and off to bed...just wanted to blog about today before i forgot.
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Wednesday, March 9, 2011

ash wednesday

today is ash Wednesday! that dosen't mean much to some, but it also is the first day of Lent. I'm not catholic, but have celebrated Lent and the 40 days of sacrifice several times since junior year of high school. Lent typically is a time of sacrifice for Jesus, preparing believers for the holy week and the celebration of Easter. Im going to use this time not only to sacrifice something but also to make some changes to my character and attitude. Each day I'm going to do one thing to better myself. Today i wrote a sincere letter to caitlyn, forgiving her and apologizing for my angry words towards her. No matter how i felt about what she did, i should never have been so harsh and rude. Hopefully ill also remember to blog everyday for Lent too, to keep track of how i do. For Lent i am giving up soda. Not a big deal to some but since Dr.pepper is the blood that flows through my veins it's a big deal to me.
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Today was a fun day. I was up most of the night last night with a sick child who was wound for sound, thanks to his liquid albuterol...which no-one mentioned to me might interfere with his sleep if taken before bed!(thanks doc & pharmacist) Then i was awoken early to learn that i had to get jakes car out of impound because it's titled in my name still....FUNNNNNN! it was a hassle, but whatever. It got done. On the plus side i got to hang out with Rach and see Logan for a bit, which was nice. He seriously is the cutest kid! his smile just melts you! i feel bad for his dad, he's missing out on a great kid. his loss! Now landon's laying down watching a movie and smelling all yummy from his bath. Burts Bee's is seriously the best bath stuff for little kids, it smells so clean and yummy! Tomorrow im hoping to deep clean the house, im probably having company this weekend! Goodnight all!
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“One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in the tree. ‘Which road do I take?’ she asked. ‘Where do you want to go?’ was his response. ‘I don’t know’, Alice answered. ‘Then’, said the cat, ‘it doesn’t matter.’” ~Alice in Wonderland

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

stuff...

ahh March...

So whats new in our lives? Landon's sick...poor kid has strep and a double ear infection. His dad has pneumonia so at least he didn't get that! So poor little man is on anti-biotics and is miserable :( It seems like alot of kids i know are sick(Logan, Zach, Kyla, Conner) and Landon's doctor said there are some nasty bugs going around. Hopefully Landon will get better quickly.

I am (still) struggling with my feelings/anger/bitterness towards Jake. He
s so bi-polar sometimes. one minute he's calling me "just to talk" and wants to hang out and wants to try and be intimate, and then the next minute he's a complete jerk! GAH!!! i'm getting whiplash from his mood swings, i swear! Sometimes i think it would be easier if we didn't live so close to each other. or if Jake fell off the face of the planet(kidding! kinda) I have so many feelings where jake is concerned...sometimes i miss him, sometimes i still think i love him, sometimes i just want to dismember him slowly and painfully...it's like a roller coaster i cant get off of. Try as they might few people really know what im going through, and the ones that do and that can sympathize can't be bothered with me, or so it seems.

I hear people talking and i don't understand it. Why is my life so interesting? what did i do to deserve your harsh words and scorn? NEVER did i do anything so mean to you. Im just a woman and mother trying to get out of this hole and trying to start a new life and trying to move on and be better. Im sorry im not perfect. Im sorry i say the wrong things, or look the wrong way, or act the wrong way. Im sorry i hurt and cry and feel when you think i should be okay. Im sorry if i somehow failed you to where you think it's okay to talk about me the way you do. Im done trying to please anyone other than God and Landon, because im failing anyway.

also, i wanna get a few things off my chest...
1)when i blog i blog for me, to vent or release emotions i dont want to hold onto anymore. Im sorry if i says something you dont like.
2)I think we'll have to agree to disagree on this one
3)If you have something to say about me please day it TO me!
4)i NEVER blogged about landon's gma trudy with the intention of causing her guilt. it is a fact that she now spends more time with Logan than with Landon. He's her grandson, and she missed out on 7(?) months of his life, and she SHOULD spend more of her time with him. I was not in any way blaming her for his recent behavioral issues, i was simply stating my opinion that the change in what has been his routine for 4+ years may have contributed to the issue. I'm sorry if that was taken the wrong way, and I'm pretty sure i even said in that previous blog that she's spending more time with Logan, "as she should be!"
5)99% of guys are douches, and when i said this i didn't say it to put you down, i said it because i firmly believe that it is the truth!

I miss having a car...i can't wait to get the tax money back and start looking for a new one. I even have a friend that's gonna help me look, and he's car smart so he'll know what to look for(unlike me) I just miss being able to run errands by myself, without having to depend on other people. I miss being able to go to church on Sundays. the web-casts of the sermons are nice but it's not the same. I miss being able to go visit people! i'm a social creature and being home all the time drives me nuts. also, i cant wait to get back to school...

School. Landon will be in kindergarten this year. i cannot believe that he's old enough for that already. Gosh time goes by fast. they grow up so quickly that one minute their a baby snuggling in your arms and the next minute their grown and are walking and talking and telling you they don't need your help cause their " a big boy" LOL...needless to say i miss my baby being a baby. thank goodness everyone else is just entering baby stage so i can get my fix from them! ok, this blog has now taken me an hour to write, so im off to bed.

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