Sunday, August 7, 2011

people, life, love, GAH!

haven't blogged in a month, so i have lots to catch up on. Taking 2 classes online for school right now. Im also being tutored in math, thinking ill be ready to pass the math part of my GED test soon. (YAY) For Landon we've been doing out back to school shopping, getting school supplies and school clothes. He's excited and ready for his 1st day of school. I am too, although i know the actual first day ill cry.

Life is good. my stupid p.o.s car is still not running. im torn between wanting to try and fix it, and just selling it to a scrap yard. it's not doing me any good either way really....which sucks. it's so hard to not have a reliable running car. It wouldn't be so bad if we were in GP where they have buses, but being out here with no car is really hard. Oh well, nothing i can really do to change that.

People. People have really been, pissing me off a lot lately. It seems like no one has any loyalty to their "friends" anymore. I've never been the kind of person to say, "be my friend or theirs, you have to choose" in fact, i've always thought people who did that we're really immature. But i understand it more now. It's bad enough i have to deal with Landon's dad as much as i do, with all his stupid little games. One minute he's trying to get me to have sex with him, the next he's reminding me how awesome his gf is. really? how pathetic can one person be? whatever. he's Landon's dad so i have to see him and deal with him. But in my personal life, with my friends, i dont want to have to see, hear, or deal with him in any way. I also think that, if you're MY friend, if you love me and care about me, then you would NOT be friends with the "man" who beat me, hit me, cheated on me, broke me, and abused me in EVERY possible way. I wouldn't be friends with someone that did that to someone i love! in fact, after i told that person what scum they were, i would have nothing to do with them ever. Is it to much to expect that from my friends? apparently it is. so i just cut everyone off my FB that is friends with Jake. resulting in some people being pissed at me. that's fine, be mad at me, i'm mad at you too. you betrayed our friendship, so dont act like you even care i cut you, obviously i dont mean shit to you!

Also, i wanna make something perfectly clear right now. when i say that Jake abused me in every way, i mean EVERY WAY! physically, mentally, emotionally, sexually, verbally...and it wasn't like he just sometimes lost his temper and got mad at me. towards the end it was often. i walked on eggshells wondering when the next blow would come. i was once cornered with a butcher knife, and had madi not came over i would probably have been seriously injured. Jake was arrested for domestic violence and strangulation. i went to the ER with a concussion and cracked ribs. The cheating i could handle, the abuse, not so much. i was told often, almost everyday, how ugly and worthless i was. THIS is the "man" that people are friends with, the "man" that people think is SO GREAT. He's good, ill give him that. He hides his darkness well, but if you get close you start to see the wolf under the sheep mask. you start to notice most everything he says is a lie.

moving on...love. my loves. Landon is doing well. He has problems when he comes home from his dad's, but the therapist says that's normal. i worry about who he's exposed to over there, and what he see's and hears, but there's nothing i can do about that. At least his dads current gf is nice to him, that puts me at ease a lil. Mel wasn't always nice to Landon, but this one is. actually, from what i've heard she's a pretty cool person. i knew her in school and she was...but people change. i just feel bad that she's getting cheated on and dosen't know it.anyway, Landon... He's getting all ready for school, he's so excited. Yesterday we had a mommy/Landon day. we went to the thrift stores in RR, ended up getting a new board game. so we played games and had Landon's fave for dinner (meat free "chicken" nuggets, home fries and corn on the cob) and then when the ice cream man came through the apartments i let him get a Popsicle, and we played games for a bit. i even taught Landon 5 card draw, LOL.

as for my love life...well, things there are...what they are. A couple guys have been talking to me, that like me. But right now im only really interested in one person. Really im just enjoying life and my friends. no need to complicate that!

Now, I'm off to make dinner for Landon before his dad comes to pick him up. And I'm thinking he wants to play another game of "sorry" before then too. <3 you all!

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