Friday, September 25, 2015

What my chronic illness looks like now

It's been a while since i blogged. My health is still not good, still no answers to the constant headache, or frequent migraines. The body pain and muscle weakness is probably fibromyalgia, but we are still exploring that. It's been a long, hard road. It's been almost two years of pain and the frustration of having no answers. I have gone through every migraine medication the neurologist can prescribe, with nothing really working. I have even had two rounds of botox injections for my migraines, and still no relief. I have tried several alternative remedies and many supplements, including trying acupuncture once. (Oh my goodness do i hate needles!) I have even ventured so far as to try medicinal marijuana, but nothing has truly helped. I cannot begin to describe the pain, the frustration and the hopelessness that comes with constant pain. The life i was living seems like a memory of a movie, it's so alien to how life is now. I have faith that God has a plan, that there is a purpose in the pain...but i can't see it yet. I still don't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

This has changed a lot of how i look at things though. I feel like i am more aware of telling the people  i care about how much they mean to me. Things can change in a blink of an eye, and I don't want them to doubt i cared. I have reached out to some people I have wronged to apologize. I often think of family members I am estranged from, and how I handled things poorly. I think being chronically ill, no matter what it is with, makes you more thoughtful of how others feel, and how you treat them.

I am lucky that I have so many amazing people around me, loving and supporting me, even though most of them don't know what I am going through or how it feels. That is true love to me. I am blessed to have family and my family of friends, who help me when i need them, even taking me to doctors appointments and to the ER. I have a great bible study group who pray for me when i'm unable to be there, and often check up on me just to see how I am. My life is so hard, so full of emptiness and waiting and pain, but through the worst and the best I have been blessed. And now you are all caught up on the goings on of my life. Blessings to you all.

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